Nicholas and I both started our 2nd week in the hospital – Nicholas took it in stride much better than I did. I was tired, uncomfortable, and while I was happy to only be 1 floor away from him, I was ready to be out from under the constant “attention” of nurses and doctors. I was beyond tired of being poked and prodded for testing. And I knew Andy was ready to go sleep in a real bed. Finally, the trauma surgeons and my OBGYN agreed I could go home on Tuesday evening. I don’t know who was happier – me that I got away from IVs and testing or Andy that we were finally able to sleep in a big bed.
Nicholas continued to make progress in the NICU. On Monday, he had his arterial line (and line that ran from his umbilical cord into his chest) removed. This line was helpful as a source in pulling blood when the doctors needed it but, as Nicholas grew and they decided that he was strong enough to come off the oscillator/ventilator and move to a less invasive “NAVA” ventilator, he no longer needed the arterial line. Removing the arterial line and moving him to the NAVA were steps in the right direction for Nicholas – it meant less invasive support and care for him and also meant we could now hold our son.
On Monday afternoon, Andy and I headed to the NICU where our nurses let us hold Nicholas for the 1st time. What a great afternoon that was. As we held his small frame against our bodies, the connection was instant. His head perched by my heart and his hands grasping my skin was a magical feeling and one that only a parent can know (I now understand the “only a parent could….” sayings).
On Wednesday, Nicholas began to have difficulty breathing and managing his heart rate with the support of the NAVA. Andy & I experienced our 1st (of several to come) “bradys” or “bradycardias” – when the heart rate dips low suddenly and without much warning. The doctors and nurses told us these were normal and to be expected in growing, premature babies.
But, when your child experiences a brady, it is simply terrifying. Alarms go off, nurses come quickly, and there is nothing you can do. As much as it may be “normal”, it is terrifying. There is no other word that describes the feeling during those times for us. Andy & I didn’t sleep too much during the following days as Nicholas began to experience bradys with frequency. Our conversations with nurses typically started out with “How many bradys have we experienced in the past XX hours?”.
On Thursday, after running some tests, the doctors decided to give Nicholas another blood transfusion to help aid him in his growth and decreasing brady episdoes. After his transfusion and a visit by the respiratory therapist to clean out his throat and nasal cavities, it was like we had our old Nicholas back. He quickly stopped experiencing bradys with the frequency he had been and we all began to rest a bit easier.
By Saturday, we had another hit another milestone. During our bedtime routine (more on that below), Nicholas was weighed and he hit 2 pounds. 2 pounds was such a milestone for all of us. The nurses laughed when they witnessed Andy & I fist bump at the 2 pound weigh-in. Andy & I set small milestones for ourselves and Nicholas so we find reason to celebrate a victory (no matter how small) each day. 2 pounds was one of our victories.
Nicholas spent much of his 2nd week easily taking to his feedings which were increasing each and every day by the doctors. Nicholas took all the increases in stride, eating whatever he was given with no tummy troubles or after effects. At the end of week 2, he was eating 18 ml every 3 hours or 144 ml every day. When you think about how small Nicholas’ frame is, that is a lot of food for such a little baby. I like to think his healthy appetite is proof of his roots: the Moore men always liked to eat. And, the Szapacs men were bred on meat & potatoes. With eaters on both sides of your family, you’re bound to grow up enjoying food.
A bit on our bedtime routine: Bedtime is an important time for us to bond with Nicholas. We spend the time at night working with the nurses to check his temperature, read his vitals, change his diapers, and feed him. We also weigh him each night and measure his belly for growth (Andy looks forward to weigh-ins everyday – he even has an excel document he completes each night to track and chart his feedings vs. his weight – I simply love my engineer husband for being able to remain analytical in such a hectic time) . At bedtime we also change his bedding and his “heart”. We have several sets of bedding that we rotate through. We sleep with his clean bedding every night and take in that bedding the following day for him to sleep on that night. His “hearts” are simple pieces of fabric that have been sewn into heart shapes by volunteers at the hospital that we also wear on our bodies to help transfer smell to Nicholas. They are placed under his head and neck as a pillow each night. While he is in the NICU, we know that he can bond via smell with us which is why we sleep with his bedding. Even though he isn’t at home, we want him to know what home (and mom & dad smell like). It has helped his bonding with us already.
(I try to make sure his hearts match his bedding as best I can each day – sometimes he is a color coordinated dream and sometimes his bedding takes on a shabby chic feel. Andy chuckles at me fussing over his bedding but it is one of the only things I can control right now. And, in a time of uncontrolled chaos, I’ll cherish what little control I have over Nicholas’ comfort.).
We also end each day with Nicholas singing our song “You are my sunshine”, ( I sang this song to him while he was in utero so it seems natural to continue to sing it now) and saying our prayers. Bedtime prayers seem like the most fitting way to leave our son each night in the care of the nurses of the NICU and it makes our travel home a bit easier. The hardest thing I do as a mother every night is leave my son at the NICU but knowing he has bedding that smells like home, and that he hears mom & dad singing and praying with him before he falls asleep with a full belly makes my time away at night a bit easier. Not much easier, but every bit helps.