Today was my 1st “official’ Mother’s Day (I was pregnant at this time last year but as much I thought being pregnant made me a mommy, Andy said it was not official until Nicholas was here). We spent the morning curled up in bed & drinking coffee until it was time to meet my parents for brunch. After brunch & a few quick errands off we went to one of our favorite wineries, Stonefield Cellars, for an afternoon of wine, music, and gorgeous weather. An evening dinner on our deck completed the evening.
This was my 1st Mother’s Day as ‘mommy’. It was also my 1st Mother’s Day without my grandmother. Grandmother lived a long life most of which was filled with a 50+ year love affair with my Grandpa. I know that the day he passed a bit of her soul went with him and she walked this earth the rest of her days longing to be by his side again. Last summer as her mind began to leave this world & as her body lingered here in hospice care her soul began the journey from this world – straight into my grandfather’s arms (I KNOW this because in her moments of consciousness she would talk about & to him). Love like that is something few of us will ever, ever, be fortunate enough to know.
I miss that woman every.single.day. I still think about picking up the phone to call her and realize, half way through dialing, that no one will pick up now. Especially now that Nicholas is here. I could sit here & say that she would be proud of Nicholas (she would be, of course). That she would enjoy spending time with him & watching him grow. That she, like my mother, would take part in the “kids these days have too much stuff” speech that Andy & I hear a lot.
But, I won’t. Because when Nicholas was born a piece of my Grandmother came back with him. And as he has grown some of her mannerisms have grown in the fabric of his personality. If you had the pleasure (and trust me it was) of knowing my grandmother you probably saw her smile (if you didn’t check out Nicholas’ smile next time you’re around him). If you ever did something she wasn’t fond of, she would silently cut you THE “side eye” – a look Nicholas has already mastered at his very young age. When he cuts me the look I stop what I’m doing, smile, and say “I see you.”. He smiles that grandmother smile & all is right in the world.
Being ‘mommy’ to Nicholas is the greatest gift this world could’ve ever given me. As most days turn into night I am left physically exhausted. Never emotionally tired though. Never. In fact, I end most days with a fuller heart than when the day began. Motherhood does that to you, I guess.
With everything we have been through, I’m not sure how I got so lucky to end up with a handsome, jovial boy as I did. But with a bit of faith, a few good genes, the stubborn mentality that comes from the Yankee side, and the grace (with a bit of grit) from the Southern side, we ended up with Nicholas. And what a treasure he is – a bit of our history present here with us. I hope he never loses the traits he has of those who have gone before him. I hope he learns to embrace his history, finds grounding in his roots, and uses the foundation we are working hard to lay for him to propel him to heights Andy & I could never imagine for ourselves.
Happy Mother’s Day to You!