Hi. I’m writing to you from the throes of hell. Also known as the cold tile floor of a bathroom. That’s right folks – its potty training time. 

My child is smart. He is hilarious. He is fearless. At 2 he knows how to negotiate (you’re welcome world- he is my child). He’s also “curious” his teachers say. I remind them that’s a nice way to say “nosy”. I would know since I am usually in a variable state of “curious” myself. (Ask my husband- he’ll vouch for me). Right now his loudest attribute is that he is stubborn. Just like his daddy. (See what I did there?)

I won’t go into the smelly details of our ‘adventure’. I want you to know 3 things though:

1) Potty training my child is hilariously hard. He gets the concept (has for a while). He now knows he will most likely get M&Ms – if he waits long enough. And if he waits too long he will also get a bubble bath. It’s a fine line. Can’t blame him though- the apple doesn’t fall far from the chocolate & bubble bath loving tree). 

2) I question my parenting ability at least 1.5 million times a day during this process. Nothing has brought to me my knees more in recent days than potty training- both when begging N & cleaning up his “adventures”.

3) When pregnant, you should be allowed to register for a hazmat suit. Seriously. It should be required. Like a car seat. Then, your aunt Sally (who I imagine lives in Indiana) could buy it for you. You’d get the gift & think to yourself “why am I getting a hazmat suit?” But you won’t want to offend your aunt Sally from Indiana so you say “thank you”, send a card, and tuck it away.

 Until that fateful day when your toddler decides to have an “adventure” around the corner from the potty; not IN the potty. And you’ll be reminded of the gift aunt Sally bought you that you’ve hidden far away in a closet. You’ll pull it down and you’ll put it on and you’ll think ‘I should really call aunt Sally from Indiana more often and tell her thank you for this gift’. 

And, you’ll love her so much that you will bequeath all of your earthly possessions to her.  Except of course for the adventurous, stubborn, hilarious toddler because,well, you don’t want to regift a hazmat suit.